So by my featured image, you could come to the conclusion that we are expecting again, and that conclusion would be right. I found out by taking a home pregnancy test about a month ago. (April 16th, so almost a month ago to date.) It was a bitter sweet moment for me. If you’ve been following my blog since the beginning, you’d know that I lost my second pregnancy to a miscarriage on December 26th, 2017 and I lost my mom about a month and a half ago to cancer on March 31st, 2018.
Normally when you see those two little lines, you’re filled with joy and excitement. But this go around I was scared and filled with sadness. Scared because I didn’t want what happened the last time, to happen again, and sad because I wouldn’t have my mom to help me through this journey.
We’ve been trying ever since we were able to after our miscarriage and two months went by without yielding any results. I was getting discouraged, especially with all my friends around me being pregnant and having babies. In the month leading up to finding out about this pregnancy, I lost my mom and didn’t really care if we conceived or not. It was in that time frame that it happened.
Our due date is December 25th, 2018. Christmas day. The day before we lost our other precious little one last year. When we lost our last baby and then my mom, I wasn’t sure how Christmas could be a joyous time anymore and the Lord took care of that for me. Lord willing, I will be holding our new little one around Christmas time this year!
After you go through a miscarriage, the next time you find out your pregnant, you are instantly filled with worry. Every time I would use the restroom I was scared I was gonna find blood in the toilet bowl or on the toilet paper. I started having nightmares again of losing the baby. I tried giving it to the Lord, but those thoughts still seem to find their way in. I know this has to be God’s perfect timing, because what should be a trying Christmas season, we will be prepping for a new family member. Also for our due date to be Christmas day, the day God’s greatest gift to mankind was born, God has given us another very special gift as well. So with all the things pointing to God’s perfect timing, I’m trying not to stress out too much about all the bad thoughts and dreams. So we (me especially) would appreciate your prayers as we walk through this new journey with our rainbow baby.
We had our first prenatal appointment this past Thursday and things seem to be going well. We went ahead and got an ultrasound done to give me peace of mind. The ultrasound tech couldn’t find anything that would cause us to lose this pregnancy, so that instantly put me at ease. That night, for the first time in awhile, my dreams were filled with everything good. I was able to see our baby again via ultrasound, but we were much further along than we are now and things were going super well! We are going to go the midwife, home water birth route again, Lord willing things continue to go smoothly. ❤ Today marks me being 8 weeks along, so 3 weeks earlier from when we lost our last baby at 11 1/2 weeks, but I have a peace that things are going to turn out to be okay, and would love some prayers for strength and would also love encouragement. It’s hard being pregnant again after losing a baby, not many people want to talk about how hard it is and the daily struggles you face, but they are real and very common. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, it’s only natural. Just don’t let it spiral you into a state of depression or anxiety. That wouldn’t be healthy for you or your growing fetus.
We announced our pregnancy to the world this past Sunday on Mother’s day. What should have been a day full of sadness, instead was filled with some happiness. Now don’t get me wrong, there were periods of grief too, but we got through it. We took announcement pictures that afternoon and below, I’ll attach some of them that my sister took for me. I hope you enjoy and can continue to lift us up in your prayers. ❤